She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
