You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
