How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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