I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize