If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish there were birth control emojis
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
