Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
