Whod you bang
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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