question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
