Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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