Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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