Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
