so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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