you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize