I am in a vortex of obligation.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
