I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My life is pants optional.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
