i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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