my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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