He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
