just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
