it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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