You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
