dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
