Plan B is the new Plan A
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
