final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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