you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
