i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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