My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
