You're my little dorito
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
