I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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