my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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