Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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