I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love having hate sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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