**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize