Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
