my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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