Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
