The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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