Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
