I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
