And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
