i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
