I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
