so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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