You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
