I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
