check it out our google latitudes are spooning
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
third nipple confirmed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
