You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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