I can tuck mytits in my pants
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
