The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
