Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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