im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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