I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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