member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
