I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
