thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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