I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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