I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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