I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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