wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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