well you can't waste a boner
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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