Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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