Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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