hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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