Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
