my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
