(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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