the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
