Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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